In Buddhism, this world is referred to as Kam-in-to—the Land of Patient Endurance.
A land where one must endure all manner of suffering just to live. What a thoroughly ridiculous phrase. That one must endure agony and "live" through it.
Every religion is rife with doctrines meticulously designed to prevent suicide. They compel humans to stay alive by any means necessary; and while the realms they speak of after death are described as radiant heavens, they teach humans to endure nothing less than hell in reality.
It is all relative. A century ago, factory girls awoke at half past three in the morning and labored until six in the afternoon, only to sleep in cramped, coop-like quarters allotted to them. Even so, the money they earned was a pittance. Yet, what is even more shocking is that despite such disastrous working intensity and compensation, human beings were so abundant that they scrambled to secure those very jobs. When humans are plentiful and their value plummets, that is precisely how the world operates.
China, teeming with an immense population, has broken down to the point of regressing back to that era. The equivalent of seven to eight thousand Korean won. For that single daily wage, young people engage in futureless labor for over twelve hours. Even the presence of high-handed, oppressive employers poses no issue. For there is a endless line of people waiting to work. When economic and population policies collapse, individual lives are invariably punctuated by tragedy. Yet, they teach: Even so, live. Even so, live.
I am not clinging to life; rather, I am living on pure wrath. If I were to sever my own finger, what spills forth would be blood, bone, and an absolute wrath and hatred toward existence. If I were to name the driving force of my life, it would be the yearning to utterly annihilate those at the absolute apex who inflict agony upon countless people in this hellish world. Perhaps it is that desperate longing.
It seems I never desired love, either. I desired terror. To become a person capable of instilling terror. Rather than becoming a loved individual who feels gratitude for the warmth or blessings of life, my passion for existence and inner strength were far more fiercely ignited by the prospect of decapitating the corrupt king sitting at the very top.
Yet, because this place is the Land of Patient Endurance, no matter how many kings of hell one slaughters, there is no uprooting the source. It is precisely like a serpent that splits into two heads every time one is severed. What use is it to cleave evil with a blade? For an even greater evil will merely grow rank and robust in its stead. Ultimately, this Kam-in-to is akin to a colossal incubation chamber, confining human beings within a restricted space merely to harvest suffering as its nourishment.
Returning to the void may be the only true answer. The state of Anatta—the non-self—that the Buddha confronted. If one attains Nirvana, can one truly escape? Or can one break free from this viscous, filthy world through death alone?